Friday, August 13, 2010

Guess who's back...

It has been a really shitty year thus far and I dropped of the face of the earth. I needed to do so for a while. My father passed away in really the worst kind of circumstances imaginable. I've never really had to deal with such grief and the way that my mind dealt with it was to just shut down. I just dropped out and walked around in a haze. I found no joy in makeup or anything that usually brought a smile to my face. It took everything I had just to take care of the day to day stuff and make sure my kids were fed and cared for. I really just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. Anyway, therapy seems to be helping deal with it some and the rest will just take time I guess. This was 5 months ago. I'm working through it a little at a time. My husband, my sister and I all decided to get a tattoo in remembrance. Here it is. This is mine, on my ankle. It's an Ouroboros. If you aren't familiar with the symbol, from wiki: The Ouroboros often represents self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things perceived as cycles that begin anew as soon as they end. It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in or persisting from the beginning with such force or qualities it cannot be extinguished. And here is a picture of my sweet & crazy dad. Sleep well, Papa. We will love & miss you the rest of our days.

4 comments:

Musing on Beauty said...

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a year ago, I know words don't always help but I want to tell you that time will make things better, even though the void can't be filled.
Mariella

Erika said...

Thank you so much, Mariella. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I sincerely hope that this is the most difficult thing I'll ever have to go through. What was amazing was how people just came from all over, offering to help, to hug, to talk, etc. One good thing to come out of this is that it restored my faith in humanity.

Aleksis said...

I'm really sorry to hear this, I hope you regain your full strength soon. I'm sure it is very draining and surreal to have lost your papa. Best wishes from me xoxo

Erika said...

Thanks Aleksis. I've missed all of you.